5 Things Your Therapist Wants You to Know as a New Mom
Here I am 9 months in on this postpartum journey and still learning to navigate the highs and lows of it all. So, here are some of the tidbits I’ve picked up along the way (in no particular order) from a therapeutic lens.
Choose your board of directors
This is one that I think I learned from a podcast somewhere but hit me hard. With so many of my clients, we are able to identify how social media may be impacting their negative thought patterns, but I struggled to recognize how this was impacting my own stress levels as a new mom. There are SO MANY opinions out there about sleep, feeding, and developmental milestones. I was constantly taking in information about how my baby should be sleeping through the night and internalizing how I must be doing something wrong if he wasn’t. Choose who you’re going to take information from (a pediatrician, a sleep coach, specific family members/friends, etc.) and feel free to unfollow and ignore the rest.
Call on your village
One of the major things we assess during an intake is the support system of a client. Parenthood is a major life transition that might take some time to adjust to, and that is okay. Identify key people in your life that you can count on to help carry you through this season – family members that are happy to drop off a meal, other moms to text in the middle of the night that can relate, the spouse who will pick up the slack on some of the household chores so you can rest for a moment. Don’t let your fierce independence and pride rob you of experiencing the love of your community during this season.
You can’t pour from an empty cup
I know you’re running yourself thin in the name of being the best mom you can be, but the reality is that you aren’t able to do that if you don’t take care of yourself. Regularly check in on yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Nourish your body, and if something feels off with your physical recovery, do not hesitate to reach out to your medical team for advice. Give yourself grace that the hormones can cause a rollercoaster of emotions (hello, baby blues!), but also know when to seek help. If you are experiencing any of the following symptoms, contact your doctor: difficulty bonding with your baby, intense sadness, unexplained crying spells, social withdrawal/isolation, panic/anxiety attacks, thoughts of harming yourself, thoughts of harming your baby, hallucinations or delusions, paranoia, hopelessness, intense irritability/anger, reduced interest or pleasure in usually engaging activities, and ruminating thoughts of shame and guilt. Postpartum depression and anxiety are extremely common and treatable. If faith is an important part of your identity, figure out how to incorporate it into the new demands of your life knowing that you will feel better with it.
Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries
Boundary work is a common topic with many of my clients, but they can be incredibly hard to put into place as a new mother. Hello unending selflessness and lack of mental space/energy to analyze our own needs. This season makes women vulnerable of burnout and being pushed around by well meaning people in our lives. Take some time to understand your priorities in this season and feel free to say no to the things that don’t fit within those confines. This may mean telling your mom no she can’t come over today because you need time to rest and bond with your baby. Or maybe you need to tell your employer that you need to take a few more breaks to pump in your workday. Whatever it is, you have permission to do what you need to do.
There is a season for everything
Have I mentioned yet that this is a major life transition? There have been and/or will be a season for last minute plans, extravagant vacations, flexible schedules, and late nights out. It’s also okay that this season might not allow for those. Understanding the new you within this new life can be challenging. It’s okay if you need to grieve the old you and your old life; it doesn’t have to mean that you don’t love being a mom. Also, know that even this shall pass and there will again come a time when you have more freedom for those things and may miss these early years with your little. This type of thinking may require a more flexible mindset than you are used to, challenging your identity in new ways.
And there you have it. These may not even be the most important things, but well, you know, that’s what this mom brain had to offer.
