“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29 NIV)
Recently one of the staff at our church was teaching about encouraging and referenced the subject of several studies he had read and I have since seen multiple similar sources. He shared how these studies had pointed out the difference between praising our children and encouraging them.
Praise is defined as an expression of approval. In contrast, encouragement is defined as the act of giving hope or promise. Though both are used by parents many studies point out the differences between the two and their affects on children. Praise is often associated with an accomplishment or end result, i.e. “You are so smart and great at school.” Encouragement is often focused on effort or not giving up i.e. “You worked really hard on that test and it shows.”
One can see the difference in the wording but what is noteworthy is the effects that have been linked. Praise is often linked to pressure to maintain excellence to continue receiving praise and validation. It can often contribute to the foundation for one’s self-esteem being based on accomplishments like good grades or awards. One’s self-esteem is inflated as they keep achieving while deflation can happen in the absence of praise or when it is not received in response. Encouragement on the other hand is linked to skills/qualities one possesses and uses. Self-esteem is established based on who and how God made each one as evidenced by the use/display of the aforementioned skills/qualities.
Both have their place and credit can be given for accomplishments but the healthiest verbal responses are balanced between praise and encouragement, with many saying to lean more on encouraging side.
Contributing Articles
Praising our kids: Are we getting it right? – Focus on the Family Canada
(https://www.focusonthefamily.ca/content/praising-our-kids-are-we-getting-it-right)
Praise vs Encouragement: What’s the Difference and Why it Matters (selfsufficientkids.com)
https://selfsufficientkids.com/difference-between-praise-and-encouragement/
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary
https://youtu.be/dbYDBAL0Nf4?t=2642 – Park Chapel Christian Church sermon 10/15/2023 (video cued to teaching on Praise vs. Encouragement)
