“In the eight years between 2015 and 2022, over 19,000 people were shot and killed or wounded in the United States in a mass shooting. The reach of each mass shooting stretches far beyond those killed and wounded, harming the well-being of survivors, their families, and entire communities” (everytownresearch.org). It seems that, almost every day, we see headlines about another mass shooting, whether at a school or in the community. So, it seems inevitable that our children will hear about these disturbing acts of violence and, at some point, will need help processing their thoughts and feeling about them. The prospect of having this kind of conversation can be daunting for parents and caregivers. However, the following tips can make it easier.
Key Conversation Points:
Process Your Own Thoughts and Feelings First: Younger children will tend to follow the emotional lead of their parents. So, be careful about how you express your own fears and anxieties in front of young children.
Start with Questions: Before you dive into the conversation, get curious about what your children already know about school shootings. Explore their thoughts and feelings about this knowledge. Correct any missing or inaccurate information. Remind them that there are no wrong ways to feel about these tragedies. “Young children may need concrete activities (such as drawing, looking at picture books, or imaginative play) to help them identify and express their feelings.” (nasponline.org)
Offer Developmentally-Appropriate Explanations:
- Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that their school and homes are safe and that adults are there to protect them. Give simple examples of school safety like reminding children about exterior doors being locked, child monitoring efforts on the playground, and emergency drills practiced during the school day.
- Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy. Discuss efforts of school and community leaders to provide safe schools.
- Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. Emphasize the role that students have in maintaining safe schools by following school safety guidelines (e.g. not providing building access to strangers, reporting strangers on campus, reporting threats to the school safety made by students or community members, etc.), communicating any personal safety concerns to school administrators, and accessing support for emotional needs.
(nasponline.org)
Reassure Children that They Are Safe: This doesn’t mean promising your children that they will never experience a shooting. No one can make good on that promise and kids intuitively know that. While the frequency of mass shootings, in the US, has climbed sharply over the last couple of decades, the probability of there being a shooting at any one particular school is still very low.
Don’t Feed the Fear and Anxiety: Media coverage about mass shootings tends to perpetuate fear and anxiety, in both children and adults. So, be mindful about what media coverage to which your child is exposed. And, if you are struggling with a lot of fear and anxiety about random acts of violence too, be mindful about the quantity of media coverage you are consuming.
Explain What Is Being Done to Keep Them Safe: Talk about what your children’s school is doing to prepare for a possible shooting – like making visitors check-in at the office and running active-shooter drills. Talk about the importance of telling teachers and parents about anything that makes them feel uncomfortable, nervous, or frightened, at school – like a classmate making threats, drawing violent pictures, or talking about bringing a gun to school.
Channel Fear and Anxiety into Concrete Action: “Participating in political activism or efforts to support mental health and wellness in your community can make you feel like you are making a difference. It also sets a good example for your children, who may want to get involved, too.” (childmind.org)
Educate Your Child About Guns: Make sure your child understands these key points:
- Never touch a gun by yourself.
- Only grownups use guns.
- Explain the differences between real and toy guns and the potential consequences of using real guns.
- Tell an adult if you know someone has a gun.
(parents.com)
Remind Children that Violence is Almost Never the Answer: “Students can be part of the positive solution by participating in anti-violence programs at school, learning conflict mediation skills, and seeking help from an adult if they or a peer is struggling with anger, depression, or other emotions they cannot control.” (nasponline.org)
Consider Professional Help: If you or your child continue to struggle with disproportionate fear and anxiety, consider seeking therapy with a licensed professional counselor.
Other Resources:
https://www.aacap.org/aacap/zLatest_News/How_to_Talk_to_Children_About_Mass_Shootings.aspx
https://everytownresearch.org/research/
https://www.nctsn.org/resources/talking-children-about-shooting
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2022/02/03/what-the-data-says-about-gun-deaths-in-the-u-s/
Cited Sources:
https://childmind.org/article/anxiety-school-shooting/
https://everytownresearch.org/research/
https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-gun-violence/
