Like any of the big talks we have with our kids, as they grow up, the one about staying safe online is vitally important. But it can feel so daunting and awkward that we avoid having it, anyway. We know what it takes, as adults, to navigate the internet safely. But, how do we pass on all of this accumulated information to our kids? And, how do we do it without scaring them half to death? Well, I think it involves researching, making use of some quality resources, and having a series of conversations that are as comfortable and relational as possible.
The first resource to check out is a fun, interactive educational program, produced by Google, called “Be Internet Awesome.” https://beinternetawesome.withgoogle.com/en_us/
It teaches kids the fundamentals of digital citizenship and safety so they can explore the online world with confidence. The program focuses on 5 fundamental behaviors for maintaining safety online: sharing information carefully, not falling for scams or misinformation, maintaining privacy and security, treating others with kindness, and talking about questionable content with a trusted adult. A key part of the curriculum is a video game, called Interland, where kids practice making choices based upon what they’re learning in the curriculum. The Be Internet Awesome family guide is available in Spanish, as well as English. And, there are additional resources for educators. So, print off the family guide and familiarize yourself with it. Download the game, play it, and see what you think. If it feels like a fit for your family, then schedule time for some family meetings. Maybe you cover one of the 5 fundamentals, and discuss it, during each meeting. Then, have your kids play the game and see if it spurs any questions or further conversation. This is a fun, easy way to introduce your kids to the concept of online safety.
Next, check out the three resources, below. As you go through them, make a list of all the specific dangers a person might encounter online. The more exhaustive the list, the more thorough future conversations can be and the better prepared your kids will be.
https://www.connectsafely.org/
ConnectSafely is a nonprofit organization dedicated to educating people about online safety, privacy, security and digital wellness. Their website provides information about various internet risks: cyberbullying, harassment, cyberstalking, inappropriate content, reputation management, misinformation and media literacy, hate speech, security, scams, malware, self-harm & suicide, personal privacy, data privacy, spam, sexting, sextortion, grooming and predation, online extremism, and parental management tools. They provide parent and educator guides, which provide more detailed information about various topics, like: apps, social media platforms, video games, navigating tech devices, using parental controls on specific devices, search engine settings. They have a section that discusses online safety issues in the news. ConnectSafely also produces two podcasts related to these issues, ConnectSafely Live and Media in the Middle.
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/
Common Sense is a nonprofit research and advocacy organization. They provide reviews on various media, so that parents and teachers can choose high-quality, age-appropriate, and diverse content for kids. They advocate for digital equity, promote digital literacy & citizenship, advocate for tech accountability & reforms, and conduct research on effects of technology on the well-being of children. If you click on the For Parents tab, you’ll find reviews of all kinds of media: movies, TV shows, books, games, podcasts, apps, and YouTube videos. Under Parent Tips and FAQs, they provide age-specific recommendations and more detailed information about various online platforms. They also provide parent guides on topics like: screen time, educational media, social media, cellphones, online safety, and many more.
https://www.internetmatters.org/
Internet Matters is a UK-based nonprofit that helps parents navigate the ever-changing digital landscape. They offer advice and information to help parents engage in their child’s online life and manage the risks they may face there. Internet Matters provides an overview of online safety issues, like: sexting, online grooming, fake news & misinformation, screen time, inappropriate content, cyberbullying, online reputation, pornography, radicalization, privacy & identity theft. They also offer advice, based upon your child’s age. In another section they provide detailed information about setting parental controls on various platforms, devices, and networks. Like its US counterpart, ConnectSafely, Internet Matters has a news and opinion section. And, they offer guidance for teachers and schools.
Next, consider two more big questions:
- What can I do to help protect my kids from these dangers? Do I need to set up parental controls on all our platforms, devices, and networks? What are the potential costs and benefits of setting up internet filtering at home?
- What expectations or rules can I set with my kids to help protect them from these dangers? Do I let my kids know that I will monitor their texts/emails/posts, or that I will periodically audit them, without notice? Do I have my kids turn in their devices at bedtime or do I turn off internet access overnight? Do I make it a rule that my kids cannot change their passwords or download new media without my permission? Do I forbid the use of certain apps or platforms, based on safety concerns?
In answering these questions, think about your specific children. Are they responsible, rule-abiding, and careful? Or, are they impulsive, curious, and the kind of kids who have to make their own mistakes? The more your kids struggle with good decision-making and impulse-control, the more you will need to safeguard and structure their internet access. Think, too, about your children’s ages. The younger kids are, the more protection and supervision they need. As your kids get into later middle school and high school, the layers of protection should – generally – become less and less. The goal is that, by the time they are leaving your house, they are ready to make good decisions about what they access on the internet and they know how to keep themselves safe online.
Based upon your research processing, create a plan for how your family will work together to minimize online risks. Then, in future conversations (and as age appropriate), talk to your kids in more detail about the various kinds of dangers they might face online. Share enough detail to educate them, but don’t belabor the scariness. We aren’t trying to generate fear and anxiety, we want to empower them. Focus on the idea that knowledge is power. Emphasize to your kids that, if they know what could go wrong online, if it ever happens, they’ll know what to do and how to handle it.
Above, remind your kids that you love them and that they can always come to you for help – even if they make a mistake. Let them know that you will always be there to help them deal with difficult situations.
