One of the things I am being asked often lately is what to do with a teen that is pushing the limits or is struggling with obeying one’s parents. The perceived battle for power/control in a family can begin as early as twelve years, though some parents say even earlier. For those of us, myself included, who have teenagers in our home struggling with submitting to authority the key is a change in approach. Up to this point we function out of protection and instruction mindset due to our children not having achieved a high level of maturity. However, upon our children entering the stage of teenager/adolescence we may notice a maturity in one’s ability to see the world and process things. Their thinking changes and so must ours. The book “Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens” offers three strategies given by Paul David Tripp in this book (pp.215-231):
Project Parenting
“Implies being focused, being purposeful, being goal-oriented in our daily encounters with our teenagers.” Be intentional just as if you were working on building some building or other project.
Constant Conversations
Daily engagement with our children allows for more natural transitions of some conversations into deep conversations where we can speak life into their hearts, not perceived disinterest or lack of understanding that many note. (See Hebrews 3: 12-13)
Leading Your Teenager to Repentance
As our responsibility for our child’s actions during childhood evolves to independence in choices in the adulthood stage, our approach needs to progress to one that helps child process situations and make appropriate decisions. Just as we have experienced reconciliation from our mistakes upon our repentance, our children must learn this and this must be in similar fashion to that God gives to us. God’s authority in our lives as adults is based on our response to him and guidance from His word. Our teens must be led willingly to growth or else rebellion can eventually be expected.
Parenting teens is definitely a challenging task. What often we do is go at it in a reactive mindset, thinking there is no other option. The truth is we can’t guarantee how our children will eventually walk but we can definitely work towards influence.
(Tripp, Paul David. (2001). Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens (2nd Ed.). (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing.)
