Give them as much age-appropriate information as possible.
Divorce turns a child’s world upside down and they need to understand what’s happening. Without going into all the adult details or placing blame, explain why the divorce is happening, how life is going to change, and allow them to ask questions.
Allow your child to express their feelings, whatever they are.
Encourage your kids to vent, even if it’s ugly or feels out-of-control to you. Children who externalize their feelings tend to fare far better than those who don’t.
Reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and they are still loved.
This is a message that bears repeating. Children are egocentric by nature and will tend to assume that they’re to blame unless told otherwise.
Maintain as much stability as possible.
Many things have to change during a divorce, so limit changes to the minimum necessary. Stability feels like safety and security to children.
Never badmouth the other parent.
No matter how angry you are or how much they deserve it, it will only damage your child. Your child recognizes that parts of them are like the other parent, so when you disparage your ex – even in slight ways – your child feels it as a rejection of them.
Do everything in your power to “play nice” with your ex.
Effective co-parenting requires biting your tongue, deep breathing, rewriting emails (and lots of wine), – not to mention humility and grace. Unless your ex is doing illegal things or presents a physical danger to you or the kids, good co-parenting is one of the most valuable things you can do to help your children recover from the divorce.
Don’t be a parenting-time hog.
Your children’s lives, outside the family, go on irrespective of the divorce. Don’t make your kids spend every minute of your parenting time with you. Allow them to carry on with their lives – engaging in after-school activities, getting together with friends, and enjoying community activities.
Don’t bring dates home to meet your kids.
You may be ready to start dating shortly after the divorce is final, but that doesn’t mean your kids are. As much as possible, do your dating when the kids are with the other parent. Generally, you should wait to introduce any potential partners to your kids until you see that relationship becoming a long-term committed relationship or heading toward marriage.
