Ways to Increase Commitment:
- Pray that God will either keep or turn your heart daily to your marriage.
- Remember positive memories with your spouse. Make a list of the highlights of your time together.
- Consider the values/beliefs you both share in common.
- Reflect on previous challenges the both of you have overcome or dealt with.
- Spend intentional, consistent time with your spouse doing things you both enjoy.
Now what’s the big deal about commitment? Does it matter?
I was reading an article online recently by Dr. William H. Doherty regarding the leading reasons for divorce and it noted the most common reason was commitment. He goes on to define commitment as “having a long-term view of the marriage that helps us not get overwhelmed by the problems and challenges day to day.” Unfortunately, individuals make the initial commitment to their marriage at the beginning, and mean well, but when storms come in the marriage they get overwhelmed by the short-term.
Ironically, in the therapy room the success rate is often related to both spouse’s commitment to the relationship. This plays out with couples with high commitment to the marriage being willing to do more to address the causes of the storms. The opposite is true for couples with at least one spouse not committed, evidenced by lack of effort, not doing work, and not making any adjustments/changes to way he or she acts/communicates in the marriage.
I remember being picked last in school for sports. The earlier in the picking process I was picked the more valuable I felt. One regular request stated when working with couples is “I want him/her to choose me!” To be wanted/valued is a normal desire and too often we can feel like we are “picked” after work, hobbies, other relationships, etc. No matter how imperfect your significant other may seem, one of the best things you can do is to choose them first. Try starting with today! God chose us though we were not perfect (Romans 5:8).
