“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” – Proverbs 18:2
Lately, I have been gleaning from a book, written for premarital couples, that also has application for any couple regarding communication. The book is titled “Ready or Knot” by Scott Kedersha. The author makes the statement that “Marriage calls for a different type of communication, where if one person “wins” an argument, then no winner truly exists.” (p. 38) Many times conflicts elevate when one reacts out of feeling backed in a corner or just become defensive.
In an effort to “win” an argument, individuals have learned various ways to either overpower or dismiss their opposition. However, this goes against God’s desires for unity represented in two becoming one flesh. Adversaries don’t make good teammates!
Communication is one of the most consistent reasons couples come in my office. Many times an argument evolves from some sort of misunderstanding, either from what was said or what was interpreted as being said.
“Five Nonnegotiables of Communication and Conflict Resolution” (pp. 43-49):
Seek to understand, not win. Too often time is wasted on being right instead of be unified.
Learn to communicate and resolve conflict in a selfless way. We have to get our thoughts of only how we feel out of the way.
Be quick to listen – James 1:19
Change the way you view conflict. It’s helpful to consider conflict resolution as an opportunity for God to grow us.
Become an expert in forgiveness. Remember practice makes perfect; many opportunities to give forgiveness and receive it comes when you’re married.
Whether you are getting married, just married, or long-term card members of marriage you can benefit from partnering with God in seeking to grow in these areas.
(Kedersha, Scott. (2019). Ready or Knot: 12 Conversations Every Couple Needs to Have Before Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker Publishing Group.)
