Read the book, “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment.” If you have a secure attachment style, then you will likely find yourself compatible with a wider array of people. But, if you discover that you fall into the 50% of the population with either an anxious or an avoidant attachment style, then you will need to take this into consideration as you interact with potential partners.
Be yourself. Your goal is not to just catch “someone” – to be whatever will make you more attractive or appealing to others. Your goal is to present the best version of your authentic self. That way, the people you attract will be the ones who genuinely like the real you, not the false self you used to lure them in.
Let your sense of humor show. In my experience, having similar senses of humor is a key element of compatibility between partners. It’s one of the things that countless people tell me first attracted them to their future mate.
Look your best, but still look like yourself. Dress in a way that is both flattering and makes you feel comfortable.
Pick a meeting spot that genuinely appeals to you. Pick places that you enjoy or that you’ve wanted to try. Let your choice of venue say something about you as a person.
Accept that online dating is going to be an important part of your dating strategy. In this day and age, it is difficult for most people to interact with enough new people, over time, to find a steady flow of viable dating partners. Plus, an app can do a fair amount of the sifting and sorting for you. So, why not take advantage of this useful tool?
Online dating is a numbers game. You need to be prepared for a lot of “catch and release.” Meaning that, you will likely have to sort through a lot of options before you find a viable candidate even for conversation. Then, you will have to text, talk, and meet up with a large number of people before you find one that is good long-term relationship material. This is especially true if, from item number 1 above, you discover that you have an anxious attachment style. In this case, you will need to intentionally cut loose anyone who shows signs of an avoidant attachment style.
Attend to the psychological warfare of dating. It’s easy to let rejection do a number on your self-esteem. And, it’s easy – over time – to sink into despair and lose hope that you’ll ever find that special someone. To counteract this, I’ve suggested that clients create a sticker chart for themselves and each time they talk to someone new and get ghosted or go out on a date and decide not to repeat it, they give themselves a sticker. In this way, weeding through prospects doesn’t feel like failure after failure or rejection after rejection, but like an essential and unavoidable part of the process. Another option is to make a list of things that are good and desirable about you, and then reread the list daily to keep your positive characteristics in the forefront of your mind.
Pick the right dating app(s). Avoid apps that rely almost exclusively on photos to establish interest. Physical chemistry is an important element of attraction, but it is not the only one and it’s certainly not enough upon which to base an entire relationship. Look for apps where you complete a meaningful questionnaire to identify preferences and common interests. Consider the following: Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Elite Singles, Hinge, OkCupid, Our Time, Plenty of Fish, The League.
To learn more about these and other dating apps, check out these recent reviews:
https://www.digitaltrends.com/mobile/best-dating-apps/,
https://www.cnet.com/pictures/best-dating-apps/,
https://mashable.com/roundup/dating-apps-hater-tinder-grindr-match/,
https://www.thecut.com/article/best-dating-apps.html,
https://www.datingnews.com/industry-trends/top-dating-apps/
