I’ll never forget the words of my wise father at the grave site of someone that was very dear to us all. He said, “Thank you God, for the sorrow … having known the joy.” It helped to know, that it was okay to cry and as I cried, I knew the times of joy were real and dear … and would be part of my memories forever. I felt better and deepened by the truth of those words and encouraged to go forward in life, experiencing life to the full (John 10:10) with its sorrow and challenges as well as its joys. The Bible is full of examples of lament and tears: David’s grief for after the death of loved ones (2 Sam.1:11, 2 Sam 18:32-33), the Psalms such as Ps 42, the prophets (Jer. 9:1), and Jesus -who sorrowed over Jerusalem (Matt.23:37) and cried deeply at the tomb of Lazarus (Jn 11:35*).
Unfortunately, in our culture, we often are quick to say, “Don’t cry …” to someone who is upset. But there is an important place for tears, for grief. Ecclesiastes recognizes there “Is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…” (Ecc 3:4). Without lament, there is not real joy. We have joy, because we know lament in this life. Some people cannot feel real joy because they are unable to feel real sorrow. It is not uncommon for people to be afraid that if they begin crying, they will never stop. Having the support of a caring person, or a professional counselor is important to get needed support to process emotions in a healthy way. Receiving therapy for trauma, overwhelming tragedy, death of a loved one, family of origin issues or other life experiences can help people to “feel” again. A counselor can help people discern the reasons for their tears or even their inability to cry … and support them through their journey of grief in a healthy way.
I often tell my clients, who have kept the tears inside for so long … that God made the little tear ducts at the base of each of our eyes for a reason. They are emotional release valves and He knew we would need them. And I add, “And tissues are ‘tear tickets,’ in my office – take all you want. Crying is okay.” Many clients are relieved to have permission to cry … to let it go. There is joy to be found on the other side of lament. “Those who sow with tears, shall reap with shouts of joy!!” Psalm 126:5
For further reading see:
“Prayer, Finding the Heart’s True Home” by Richard Foster.
“Good Grief,” by Granger E. Westberg
*While there are various New Testament commentaries on this verse, the Greek word, edekrusen, commonly translated, “wept,” in the verse “Jesus wept,” (John 11:35) is used both for auditory wailing grief as well as silent tears. The English word “wept,” in this author’s estimation, fails to create the picture of the deep anguish and solidarity with the human experience of grief that Jesus felt as He approached the tomb of his beloved friend, Lazarus, with the sisters of Lazarus. This author believes, what the Son of God experienced in His humanity at the tomb of Lazarus all the more empowered Jesus to go to the cross, “…Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising its shame …” (Heb. 12:2b).
