Lately, I’ve been noticing myself cringe when I think about self-care (especially in terms of dealing with anxiety or depression). I’ve always defined self- care as something I do to relax and distract myself from the stressors of life. It seemed as if everything from manicures, to massages, to exercise, fell under the self-care category. I noticed I was struggling with the concept. To me, self-care meant watching my favorite television show while eating ice cream, only to realize I felt worse afterwards! I felt the guilt of procrastinating responsibilities and then feeling bad about the junk food I ate. For me, the thought of self-care became anxiety provoking. I decided to change what I considered self-care.
I believe many people look at this coping skill as ineffective. Self-care activities become additions to the already long list of tasks and responsibilities in our lives. When we feel as if we are already too busy and don’t have enough time in our day, we feel a sense of failure and then blame and shame ourselves.
I decided it was time to redefine the concept of self-care to help give it a different meaning. I like to think of the term “self-connection” rather than self-care. When we can connect back to ourselves, we replenish our energy and calm our busy minds.
Self-connection doesn’t have to be an activity or event. It may involve something as small as taking a few deep breaths or dancing in your bedroom to your favorite song. It may also be spending time in nature, praying, repeating self-affirmations, or visualizing a special person or safe place. Self-connection is not about doing things other people think will make us feel better. Self-connection is about finding ourselves, even just for a moment, in the midst of all our challenges.
When we are feeling overwhelmed and cannot find ourselves, self connection can be about asking for help or giving help to someone else. Expressing gratitude or forgiveness can also help us reconnect. Connection with ourselves allows us to connect with others which creates a deeper sense of healing. So, if self-care is beginning to feel like a chore, try “self-connection” and see if that works better.
