Today I was told something very interesting. A young man talking with me stated, “I don’t feel feelings.”
Acting surprised I continued to ask more questions, however, he honestly believed he did not feel any type of emotion. After some dialogue – he changed his mind about those “feelings” he “didn’t feel.”
Maybe you are reading this and thinking, “Of course we all feel feelings or emotions.” On the other hand, maybe you are reading this and thinking, “I know I have feelings, but they are out of control or I do not understand them at all!” Even further, someone may be reading this and relate to the young man mentioned above. You may even think feelings or emotions are there, but you have never considered why you have them or even care to know the meaning or importance.
Consider the following when thinking about feelings or emotions:
- A situation occurs
- positive, negative, neutral
When this situation occurs, three things occur rather quickly:
- We have different thoughts, sometimes several at once
- Those thoughts influence or create a feeling or emotion.
- From those thoughts and emotions, we act or show a behavior.
This is something that is always occurring when we are up and moving. As we were parented and as we grow older, we were taught or disciplined or we learn from experience to manage our thoughts and feelings in appropriate and effective ways to make the educated choice, moral choice, correct choice, safe decision, etc.
So, does it end there? Not quite.
Every situation stimulates thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and ultimately ends with a consequence.
These consequences are either positive or negative and we can choose to learn from or ignore these consequences regardless of the outcome. Let’s recap:
- A situation occurs
- We have thoughts, feelings or emotions, and an action
- We experience consequences
A lot of people can go through life and go through these three steps time after time and never realize it is happening and their life may be okay, even great. Other people unknowingly go through these steps and wonder why their life if a mess or why they feel alone or even are alone and may not be sure what resources are available for help.
If we do not truly understand these thoughts and feelings and how even our behaviors influence our thoughts and our feelings, you can think about a game of roulette – day by day, it may not be a matter of life and death, but these steps to create habits, personality and character and establishes the flow and outcome of your life.
Emotional attunement or emotional understanding is a skill often taken for granted or a skill a lot of people do not think to use, know how to use, or even know they actually use the skill at all! Some are naturally well-developed and intellectually, emotionally and behaviorally sound. I would thank parents, grandparents or caregivers for that development. Maybe other say, “I did this all on my own.” To that, I say you have a gift from God and you need to share it – immediately. Even still, you may be reading this wanting more, needing more, deserving more.
“…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 New International Version (NIV)
You may have questions, comments or additional thoughts and I welcome and accept anyone who may have some thoughts regarding this information. If you would like to learn or know more, you may email me at logan@groffandassociates.com or call (317) 474-6448 x102.
