Healing from a Narcissistic Parent
Being raised by a narcissistic parent can be very confusing and hurtful. Unfortunately, it is common for a narcissistic parent to make their child feel crazy or delusional. Most people will not understand the emotional turmoil you experience with a narcissistic parent. This often leads to mental health struggles in adulthood. It is hard to put into words your experiences in a way that others can understand.
If you’re the child of a narcissist, you may find yourself struggling with:
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety or depression
- Codependency in other relationships
- Poor boundaries
- Being a people-pleaser
- Inability to say “no”
- Chronic guilt
- Emptiness
- Inability to express or handle emotions
- Trust issues
- Anger, confusion, or stress
Confronting a narcissistic parent often leads to more turmoil. Pointing out a narcissistic parent’s negative or undesired behavior challenges the perfect world created in their mind, resulting in feelings of shame and vulnerability. Remember, however, that your feelings and point of view are also important.
Here are some tips for how to deal with a narcissistic parent:
Realize What Is Happening
You will never win with a narcissist. A narcissistic parent thrives on their sense of control, and you will pay dearly if you do not bend to their will. Getting their needs met is more valuable than having a functional family structure. If you try to compromise, they will only manipulate the situation in their favor. You need to realize that this is not normal behavior.
Accept & Let Go
Trying to change a narcissist is nearly impossible unless the narcissist wants to change. Accepting who they are will reduce your anxiety. Remember, the negative words and actions aimed at you are really projections of how they feel about themselves, and they are deeply wounded people.
Prioritize Self-Compassion
After having a difficult childhood that most likely lacked compassion, it is time you give that compassion to yourself. Pat yourself on the back for making it through this abusive parent-child relationship. Learn to self-soothe and give yourself all the compassion your parent couldn’t give you.
Assert Your Boundaries
A narcissistic parent will often test and cross your boundaries simply to prove that they can. They may show up uninvited to your home, break family rules to get you angry, or play favorites with your children. You must set firm boundaries and enforce consequences when they are crossed.
Walk Away
There is a tremendous amount of societal pressure to maintain family relationships, but these bonds may do more harm than good. Spend some time fully considering the prospect of ending the relationship temporarily or permanently. In some cases, it may be the only helpful option.
