I think it’s fair to assume that almost everyone has something in their past they regret; something in their past that makes them say, “I wish I could go back and change that.” Recognizing past mistakes, unhealthy choices, and regretful moments can be healing, as long as we don’t stay stuck in the past. Oftentimes I hear clients use “should” statements, such as “I should’ve known better” or “I shouldn’t have don’t that.” The problem with should statements is they often fill us with shame and prevent us from healing and moving forward. Making peace with your past means forgiving yourself and understanding you aren’t that person anymore. I like to use the three A’s when trying to move forward:
Acceptance: accept this is the decision you made without shaming yourself. This doesn’t mean you are alleviating responsibility or undermining the event. This means you accept what was done and you are releasing yourself from constantly reminding yourself of the past and you are choosing to move forward.
Assess: try to remember what caused you to make this decision, what were the current circumstances, what knowledge did you not have in the moment. Often times we make the mistake of putting our “present” self into the past, which is an unfair assessment.
Action: taking action means taking the time to learn how your past has helped you become the person you are now and implementing what you learned into your daily life. This could also mean taking the knowledge you know and helping someone else not make the same mistakes.
Living in the past only hurts us from being able to enjoy the present, which often only leads to more pain and suffering. Accept that it has happened and use those tools and life lessons to help create the present and the future, the way you choose.
