I was recently listening to a sermon podcast by Dr. Timothy Keller called, Repairing Relationships, based on the book of Proverbs. Dr. Keller’s sermon convicted me in the heart. You see, I have been struggling with hatred for the remodeling contractors who worked on our new kitchen and the overall painful remodeling process. This past year, I found myself holding hatred for the contractors with highly anxious days and sleepless and relentless nights; grinding on how poorly the remodeling effort was going for the long-awaited kitchen my husband and I have dreamed of.
This might sound petty or spoiled to you, but when you have waited almost 20 years for a new kitchen and have the resources to do the effort, you have a lot of hopeful expectations that everything will turn out fine. The reality of the remodeling project was a difficult and laborious process. And, when you are in the midst of a pandemic with a ton of supply chain issues, you have difficulty getting appliances, paint that isn’t right (5x over), cabinet makers who don’t follow through with things accurately and with quality control, cracked new countertops, and structural and flooring issues, you start to get testy and wonder if the madness will ever end.
Keller’s sermon is a strike in the heart and a breath of fresh air for me. A persisting goal of mine is that I truly want to live my life living, loving, and forgiving myself and others as Jesus asks me to do; to not have regrets. As a Jesus follower, I don’t want to live with resentment and grudges. I want to live free in my heart as I believe life is very short.
Dr. Keller talks about wisdom as a construct for living beyond our moral right or wrong. He shared that: “relationships will make or break your life. And a wise person recognizes and understands:
- The need for relationship repair
- The components of relationship repair
- The heart of relationship repair”
Proverbs 10:18 states “He who conceals his hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.” I had to realize that the construct for my hatred towards the contractors is not “screaming anger ready to tear their eyes out”, but as the Old Testament describes, it’s “ill-will” of the heart. Keller posits that ill-will is the “acorn seed to murder”, which is what Jesus talks about at the Sermon on the Mount. In order for us to be “set free”, we must first take an honest look at our own hearts.
Here are some questions that Keller convicted me to ask myself:
- Am I happy that the contractors who offended me are unhappy, disgraced, embarrassed, or ashamed?
- Do I smile or rejoice inside when I hear their mishaps are happening?
- Am I finding their unhappiness is satisfying to my own heart?
- Am I cursing the offending people by calling them “Raca”, which means “nobody or worthless fellow” underneath my breath when I think about the offending person or saying this out loud to others? Let alone a few more choice, foul words I can think of…
Well, I must say I realized I was concealing my hatred and spreading slander about my contractors, which is absolutely unwise and foolish. Then, I immediately felt empty and hopeless. I asked myself what am I supposed to do? Keller gives the answer through Proverbs 24:17-18, which says: “Do not gloat when your enemy falls; when he stumbles, do not let your heart rejoice, or the Lord will see and disapprove and turn his wrath away from him.” But how? These contractors offended me. What is the wise thing for me to do? How do I not turn away the Lord from me and allow Him to carry out the wrath that I believe the contractors are rightfully owed? In my article Repairing Relationships – Part 2, I’ll continue to ponder what Dr. Keller and Proverbs is trying to say to me. I hope you will read on.
Citation: Development, CastBox. “Repairing Relationships.” Repairing Relationships, 17 Dec. 2021, https://podcast.gospelinlife.com/e/repairing-relationships-1639685300/.
