In Brene’ Brown’s book called, Braving the Wilderness, she outlines an important aspect of our living in healthy relationship with others, which is trust. Trust is a big word with a lot of contexts. When we say we don’t trust someone it is difficult to help someone understand why and how we don’t trust them. Brown created a trust assessment that I believe has helped me with my clients and loved ones to express my heart more fully when I feel trust is in question.
If you are struggling with trusting someone or someone is struggling in trusting you, here is a quick way for you to assess the relationship or yourself to know how to navigate your next steps to remediate and redeem yourself and your relationships.
Brown uses the word called B.R.A.V.I.N.G. as a way to assess and evaluate trust in relationship. Each letter gives a meaningful aspect of trust.
So, if you are stuck in a distrusting relationship or you find people don’t trust you, ask yourself the following questions:
B – Boundaries
Is my “yes” a yes and my “no” is a no? Do my loved ones know what I’m willing and not willing to do? Do I give in too much to my love ones?
R – Reliability
Do I do what I say I’m going to do? Am I reliable with the ones I love? Are my loved ones reliable?
A – Accountability
Do I make an amends with those I’ve wronged or who have wronged me? Do I always blame others rather than looking at myself and my wrongdoings?
V – Vault
Do I keep my loved ones’ vulnerable stories safe in the vault of my heart? Or do I share too much with others? Or do my loved ones’ share my vulnerable stories with others?
I – Integrity
Do I demonstrate my core values to others? Do my loved ones know where I stand? Do I allow my loved ones to treatment me badly?
N – Non-judgement
Do I give the benefit of the doubt to those who I love and love me? Or do I blame and shame my loved ones? Do my loved ones blame and shame me?
G – Generosity
Do I give grace and mercy when relational mistakes happen? Or do I condemn my loved ones? Do my loved ones condemn me?
Hopefully, this will help you have emotional language to help you express yourself to others better when trust is broken. Remember healing begins when awareness is let in.
