As a child, my parents always told me if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all. I’d say that is a relatively healthy standard to live by and as an adult I prided myself for being emotionally mature and knowing when to hold my tongue. That is, until I started paying more attention to how I talk to myself:
“You messed up.” “You can’t do this.” “You need to lose weight.” “You’re lonely.” “No one likes you.”
I realized that standard shouldn’t just be followed by how we talk to others, but always, how we speak to ourselves. I figured, if I wouldn’t say these things to my family and friends, then I surely can’t say them to myself.
Ephesians 4:29 says “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that is may minister grace unto the hearers.”
So how do I check if I am speaking compassion and grace to myself?
I use these three guidelines:
Is it true?
Does it make sense?
Is it helpful?
If the thoughts you are saying to yourself can’t align with these three rules then you have to change how you speak to yourself to do so. To edify something means to instruct or improve morally or intellectually. This means the words towards yourself should be those that are going to promote positive changes, growth, constructive criticism, and truth in love. You’re with yourself more than anyone else in this world. Give yourself some grace and compassion. You deserve it.
