What can I Do About It?
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship where you’d hope for change and find yourself hopeless? Do you ever question why you are staying in the relationship and what choices you have to change your circumstances? Well, if you are like me you have probably had a dysfunctional relationship or two where you watched your heart break; and wondered so what choices do I have?
Under the circumstances of our lives, we tend not to look at surrendering a relationship as a choice. Surrender is not giving up. Surrender is taking back your power from the person you feel has broken your heart. It’s a way to detach without avoidance or abandonment of the relationship. It gives ourselves permission to respond rather than react to the same relational process over and over and over again. Surrender changes our feeling burdened by the stress of the dysfunctional relationship and keeps us from over-functioning to compensate in trying to make the relationship better.
Another suggestion is to build up more of your own self-care rather than being drawn into the dysfunctional relationship. When we are more intentional with getting adequate time with God, sleep, exercise, eating well and spending time with other healthier relationships, we are more able to have mental clarity about the dysfunctional relationship. It’s a way of stepping back and away from trying to persistently “fix it.”
Finally, if you are perpetually stuck with the stress of managing the dysfunctional relationship, then seeking counseling or pastoral care is an excellent way of trying to gain strength, courage and a broader perspective. Sometimes, we need someone to help us identify what our next steps need to be and have the courage and accountability to take the next steps with moving away from the dysfunction. Seeking counseling or pastoral care can allow ourselves to grow and flourish in a more vibrant and abundant way.
