When thinking about creating boundaries, the Bible verse in James 5:12 always comes to mind for me, “But above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.” This is such a fundamental outline of how God expects us to create loving, yet firm, boundaries with others.
Boundaries are the guidelines we set in order to communicate with others our limits, our self-respect, and expressing love and accepting others without compromising our self-worth. Boundaries are our way of expressing how we honor others without limiting how we honor ourselves. They are established limit, which protect us from being used, violated or manipulated by others.
Sometimes, setting boundaries can be difficult; however, maintaining boundaries that have been set can be even harder. Understanding when you are holding others accountable with the boundaries you have set in place can be the key to a healthy relationship.
Some key things to look for when understanding if you are creating and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships:
Am I going against personal values or rights in order to please others?
Am I putting more into this relationship than I am receiving in return?
Do I allow others to define my role in this relationship?
Is there an expectation of others to fulfill my needs without communicating them?
Do I feel bad or guilty when I have to tell someone no?
Do I speak up when others treat me poorly?
Take a moment to reflect on what is most important to you. When we begin to enable others to be needy, dependent, or play the victim in our lives, resentment, anger, and exhaustion are soon to follow. Begin to understand what you need, want, and value, and don’t let anyone change or make that decision for you. Boundaries are the rules we create in order to respect our personal strengths, capabilities, and differences of self and others.
