Anger is a powerful emotion, which is neither good nor bad. Anger can be very useful, giving us the strength to defend ourselves and protect others or the energy necessary to mobilize our resources and take action. Yet, when anger is held in and never expressed, it is toxic. Unexpressed anger can result in bitterness, resentment, vindictiveness, passive aggression, rage, and even physical illness.
When finding healthy ways to externalize anger, it is important to follow 3 key rules, whatever you do it: can’t hurt you, can’t hurt anyone else, can’t be illegal
Talk It Out:
Call a trusted friend.
Talk to a family member.
Talk to yourself about the situation. If you’re alone, talk to yourself out loud.
Putting thoughts and feelings into words makes them less overwhelming and more manageable.
Write a letter to the person who made you angry. You might never send it to them, but it’s another way to put words to your experience.
Ask yourself some questions – How important is this situation in the grand scheme of things? Is it really worth getting angry about it? Is it worth ruining the rest of my day? Is it worth the energy that I’m giving it? Is my response appropriate to the situation? Do I really want to give this person this much power over me? Is there anything I can do about it? Is taking action worth my time?
Self-Expression
Get away by yourself and let yourself cry.
Draw, paint, sculpt, or engage in some other type of creative expression.
Read a story or poem, or listen to music, that expresses what you’re feeling.
Act out what you wish you had said or done in the moment (that triggered your anger).
Journal – Writing thoughts and feelings down gives us a sense of mastery over them and gives us permission to stop ruminating about them.
Find an empty chair and pretend the person who made you mad is in it. Say to them everything you’d like to be able to say – unfiltered and unedited – the rawer, the better.
Physical Practices
Go to the gym.
Practice yoga.
Clean the house.
Go for a bike ride.
Go for a walk or run.
Do yard work.
Take up martial arts
Sign up for a sport league.
Stretch or massage areas of tension.
Learn to identify the physical sensations of your anger.
Do as many sit-ups, push-ups, or jumping-jacks as you can in a row.
Use abdominal (deep and slow) breathing – give extra attention to slowing your exhalation and progressive muscle relaxation (PMR)
What it is doesn’t matter so much, as long as you’re getting your heart rate up, working up a sweat, and thinking about what made you angry.
Venting Aggression
Take up kickboxing.
Pound on your mattress.
Get a punching bag and use it.
Get away to a safe place by yourself and yell about what is making you angry.
Reappraise the situation
Develop your mindfulness – consider practicing meditation.
Explore what more vulnerable emotions your anger might be masking.
Take a timeout from the person or situation that triggered your anger.
Distract yourself from the anger – Try counting backwards from 100 by threes. Or, try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique, name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch/feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Practice radical acceptance
Pain and woundedness are what cause people to lash out.
Remind yourself that the other person’s anger/unkindness/disrespect was the result of something with which they’re dealing.
This process can help you find compassion for those who anger you, which can help you release your anger.
Accepting the reality of how things are, rather than ranting and complaining and insisting that they should be otherwise.
Once we accept things as they are, we are in a much better position from which to try and change those things we can.
Try these radical acceptance coping statements:
I accept this moment as it is.
It’s not helpful for me to fight the past.
I cannot change what has happened in the past.
The present moment is the only one over which I have control.
The present is a result of thousands of variables from the past.
Although my emotions are uncomfortable, I will get through it.
Fighting my current emotions and thoughts only gives them more fuel to thrive.
Once we accept things as they are, we are in a much better position from which to try and change those things we can.
With ideas from:
https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2015/10/how-to-get-rid-of-anger/
https://copingskillsforkids.com/blog/2016/4/27/coping-skill-spotlight-5-4-3-2-1-grounding-technique
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/anger-management.htm
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201207/radical-acceptance
https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/radical-acceptance/
