I recently read an article identifying a compulsive eater or alcoholic similar with two specific characteristics: defiant individuality and grandiosity. As a clinician, I relate to many people struggling with alcoholism or another compulsive behavior. Many people want help, but are often not ready to take the actions the help suggests such as: going to Recovery meetings, getting a Recovery sponsor, actively working within a Recovery program. For individuals who have experienced abuse this idea of surrendering can be particularly challenging.
An article by Harry M. Tiebout, M.D. written years ago explains the power of defiance and grandiosity in play with a practicing alcoholic. Furthermore, it distinguishes the profound difference between submission and surrender on a conscious and unconscious level. I would suggest anyone struggling with the willingness to take action to recover read, in its entirety, the article titled “The Act of Surrender in the Therapeutic Process,” by Harry M. Tiebout, M.D. http://silkworth.net/pages/tiebout/tiebout_surrender.php.
I have included a portion of article below.
One fact must be kept in mind, namely, the need to distinguish between submission and surrender. In submission, an individual accepts reality consciously, but not unconsciously. He or she accepts as a practical fact that he or she cannot at that moment lick reality, but lurking in the unconscious is the feeling, there’ll come a day, which implies no real acceptance and demonstrates conclusively that the struggle is still on. With submission, which at best is a superficial yielding, tension continues.
When an individual surrenders, the ability to accept reality functions on the unconscious level, and there is no residual of battle; relaxation with freedom from strain and conflict ensues. In fact, it is perfectly possible to ascertain how much acceptance of reality is on the unconscious level by the degree of relaxation that develops. The greater the relaxation, the greater the inner acceptance of reality.
We can now be more precise in our definition of an act of surrender. It is to be viewed as a moment when the unconscious forces of defiance and grandiosity actually cease to function effectively. When that happens, the individual is wide open to reality; he or she can listen and learn without conflict and fighting back. He or she is receptive to life, not antagonistic. The person senses a feeling of relatedness and at-oneness that becomes the source of an inner peace and serenity, the possession of which frees the individual from the compulsion to drink. In other words, an act of surrender is an occasion wherein the individual no longer fights life, but accepts it.
