In the previous article, we focused on how to build and maintain a lifelong love, but something vital comes before building love can truly take flight. Just like when building a new home, marriage requires a strong foundation to bear the weight of life’s circumstances. In order for marriage to stand the test of time like a new home, you need a strong, unwavering foundation as you begin your lifelong commitment. But what does a foolproof foundation in marriage look like?
Covenant vs. Consumer
Timothy Keller, a Presbyterian minister in the New York City area, touches on the differences between a consumer relationship and a covenant relationship in marriage. And the difference is incredibly significant.
A Consumer Relationship
The type of relationship where it is all about you. It says, “When you don’t make me happy, I’m out.” There are conditions to this relationship. It’s all about you, truly.
A Covenant Relationship
Focuses on the other person, beginning with an attitude of “no matter what.” towards the relationship. This is an unconditional commitment to your spouse regardless of action (there can be exceptions or safety concerns, of course).
Thinks “no matter what,” unconditionally.
Chooses to trust the commitment to covenant.
Says, “I choose to love you, serve you, honor you, respect you, cherish you, believe the best in you, support you, and pray for you… regardless if you are doing those things for me.
To note: There are exceptions of abuse or infidelity, however, there can still be a commitment towards the relationship even if necessary boundaries are present to maintain physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual safety.
Remember, when you said, “I do,” you both committed to “no matter what” forever with each other typically portrayed in reciting vows. If both of you committed your life to each other and committed to a covenant, you can truly trust the other will come back to who they are absolutely meant to be as a spouse and partner. Isn’t this a powerful portrayal of a foundation readied for a lifetime of love?
Be Intentional
Couples can ride the “infatuation wave” into marriage or believe marriage will come as natural and “easy” as dating, but soon run into issues that have them scratching their heads, guarding, protecting their hearts and/or fighting to the ends of the earth.
Life and marriage requires intentionality and intentionality breeds balance. You would never build a house on a faulty or unstable foundation; build your house upon the rock. Seek to love like Christ – unconditionally.
