“Can two walk together except they be agreed?” – Amos 3:3
Have you ever run a three-legged race before? If not, the idea is that two people have their inside legs tied together at the ankle and must walk/run together as fast as they can to the finish line. If you watch one you will likely see a few pairs stumble and fall due to not having their steps intentionally in cooperative timing. The best ones are the ones who achieve a good rhythm between the two that doesn’t allow the other to be left behind.
I recently listened to an episode of Dave Ramsey podcast where he was working to help a husband who called in. The caller was fully onboard with getting out of debt while noting his wife was not of same mind regarding addressing debt. Dave offered a free FPU (Financial Peace University) course for him and his wife. There was one catch for this offer, which was that his wife has to attend willingly with the caller. Dave went on to explain how if they were not of same mind and the caller became deeply passionate about it and wife wasn’t then it would likely cause more discord between the couple.
This is true for any couple who have differing opinions regarding significant areas of married life, i.e. finances, disciplining of children, quantity/quality of time with in-laws, etc. It can become like the three-legged race described above with each partner pulling in opposite directions before tripping up, unless each partner is intentional about pursuing agreement in unison.
One of my favorite exercises I have used in the therapy room involved having a couple come up with a mission statement and tweaking it over a few weeks. Each partner shared with the other specific goals/desires for their marriage and then worked to word it in a concise way. The couple was encouraged to use this agreed upon mission statement as a filter (or lens) to run decisions through.
If you and your spouse are struggling with any of the above mentioned areas in your home I encourage you both to take a step back and define your joint purpose for your marriage and then sift the issues through your defined purpose, being in agreement that you focus on steps that keep you in “step together”.
