Not all conflict is unhealthy. Can you identify your conflict? What does your conflict look like?
The word conflict usually is associated with some type of negative perception. However, not all conflict is harmful or unhealthy. According to Hall, E. D. (2017), “Research has determined that conflict can be quite healthy for relationships.” Conflict or disagreements in relationships can have a positive outcome when you are being conscious of what you are communicating to one another.
Understanding conflict from a different perspective, a less damaging point of view, helps to allow room for growth for change. Not understanding the good that can come from a healthy conflict or healthy disagreement can and will sabotage your growth.
Hall (2017) explains three reasons why and how conflict is healthy in a relationship:
The number one reason why conflict is healthy for relationships is that conflict signals a need for change, for both parties. Conflict provides an opportunity for making change.
Conflict shows you and your partner that your lives are interdependent. If they weren’t then you would not experience conflict, as conflict only comes about when two people whose lives are interdependent hold goals that conflict with one another.
Conflict is almost never about what it seems to be about on the surface. Searching for the deeper reasons for conflict is an important step in improving a relationship. When you search for the deeper reasons for conflict, you can address core issues in your relationship, rather than focusing on surface issues. Addressing those core issues can be a healthy outcome of conflict.
On the other hand, some conflict is painful and hurtful to self and/or others. Some conflict results in stress, causing tension and anxiety for usually all involved, lasting for short and/or long periods of time. What type of conflict are you experiencing or suffering from? Are you able or ready to identify your conflict?
Is your conflict internal or with your inner self? Internal or inner self conflict may generate feelings of being stuck in a no win situation. Inadvertently or subconsciously, inner self conflict may be comprised of things you do or not do on a regular basis. For example, struggling with thoughts of taking action on something or not is an inner self conflict. Additionally, changing unhealthy, learned behaviors from one’s upbringing, struggling with change, is another inner self conflict.
Is your conflict with your spouse or significant other? Is your conflict with your family? If you are suffering from family conflict, think about what the conflict looks like to you. Think about what the conflict looks like to the other person or persons involved. Is your conflict with your job?
As mentioned earlier, not all conflict is unhealthy. However, unhealthy conflict may result from your inner self struggles, your outside environment, or another person or persons. What does your conflict look like? Professional help is available when you are ready.
Reference
Hall, E. D. (2017), Psychology Today @2019 Sussex Publishers. LLC
