Many people struggle with the holidays because of how they remind us of the people we’ve lost. The holidays are steeped in traditions, which cause us to reflect on ourselves and how our present days compare with the past. If you’ve recently lost a loved one, these comparisons can be particularly poignant and painful. While all grief is painful, grief denied or borne in silence is toxic. So, what can be done? Deal with the grief head-on, talk about it, and find healthy ways to work through it. Here are some ideas:
Keep the Memories Alive:
In so many families, people stop talking about the person who’s died. It’s as if everyone’s afraid that the mention of the dearly departed’s name will sink everyone else into overwhelming grief. Yet, what really hurts people most is the silence – and the false sense this creates that everyone else has “forgotten” the loved one.
A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words:
Get out the photo albums and the home videos. It is good to reminisce about years gone by and to retell old stories, but nothing brings memories alive like photos and videos. Consider finding ways to preserve these artifacts – convert photos and taped recordings into electronic files. Then, share them with the rest of the family.
Get Creative About Ways to Capture Memories – Past & Present:
You might initiate a group conversation, where family members recall stories, and make arrangements ahead of time to audio or video record the event. Another option would be to ask family members to write down some of their favorite memories or about momentous occasions in the life of the family. These writings could be compiled into a document and shared. If they’re open to it, it could be very insightful to have the oldest family members write their autobiographies or memoirs.
Foster Healthy Grieving:
Acknowledge grief is a natural part of loving others and being part of a family. To deal with the grief over lost loved ones, consider attending a Longest Night or Blue Christmas service, at a local church, as a way to remember your lost loved one and to give yourself time and space to grieve.
Honor Their Memory:
When we do something tangible to bless our loved one and to show how much we still love them, it serves our hearts well. Some families put an extra chair at the table or light a candle at family dinners, to show honor and love. Other families clean up and decorate the gravesite, to show symbolically that their loved one is gone but not forgotten. Consider making a charitable gift, in memory of your loved one, to a charity whose cause they would have supported.
If you want more ideas for dealing with grief this holiday season, check out these additional resources:
https://www.verywellhealth.com/remember-loved-ones-at-christmas-1132556
https://www.caringbridge.org/resources/9-ways-remember-loved-one-passed/
