In Part 1 of this blog series, we discussed how un-forgiveness and resentment can leave you dealing with a lonely and empty relationship. It takes action to forgive your partner’s mistake and how it has affected you. Allowing the feeling of resentment to continue in your heart is the byproduct of un-forgiveness. In this article, you have five (5) more practical ways to move yourself out of un-forgiveness and resentment so you can afford yourself the love, joy, peace, grace and mercy you want back into your relationship.
Try to let go of resentments so you can be released from the torment of your spirit.
Remember resentments don’t just come from the conduct of your partner in an ugly moment. Resentments survive and thrive because you’re unwilling to end the ugly moment with an offering of kindness, love, and forgiveness inwardly to yourself and outwardly to your partner. When you release your resentment, you set your spirit free. Read Ephesians 4:30-32.
Focus on the practice of forgiving.
When you practice pardoning or forgiving your partner, you give yourself permission not to let your ego rule with judgments and offense. Although your ego wants to be “right” you forgo the opportunity to be in relationship with your partner. Consider giving pardon rather than hold or create further injury. Consider reciting the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi as a way of practicing daily forgiveness:
“Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.” Amen.
Try to focus on the present and not the past.
When you find it difficult to forgive, reflect: is this something of the past or the present? If it is of the past, you are assigning more importance to the past and taking a good portion of your energy and attention lamenting on days that are gone forever as the reason why you can’t be happy and fulfilled today. Try to shift your thinking into living in the moment and appreciate the relationship you are trying to cultivate now with each other. Be thankful for the current goodness of your relationship. How peaceful, willing, and helpful you are with each other. Stay focused on the present.
Stay away from judging or presuming judgment from your spouse.
When you stop judging or presuming your partner is judging you, you will possess more peace within yourself. With more peace, you find more joy and freedom from resentment of your spouse. Remember God is love and He isn’t choosing to judge, criticize and condemn you daily about your thoughts, feelings and behavior, regardless of how right or moral you believe you are. Substitute love for judgments.
Consider the true relationship you have.
A true relationship is two imperfect people who are not willing to give up on each other. Come to terms with the reality that you have a true relationship with each other. Realize you haven’t given up, and you are still trying to move through the ugly and hoping for a brighter future with your partner. There is nothing more courageous than this.
