Sometimes, as a couple, you get stuck feeling more hurt than good from your partner. And when you feel more hurt than good from your partner, forgiveness is difficult to offer and resentment builds up in your heart. Un-forgiveness and resentment blocks joy, love, peace, grace and mercy in your relationship, which causes you to feel miserable and alone in your relationship. This article will address five (5) practical ways for you to forgive and let go of the resentment you are holding against your partner.
Turn your hurt to God.
This may be easier said than done. Consider this…you have a choice. Maybe it’s not an easy choice, but if you choose to give your hurt to Him, you get the opportunity to let go of your inner disharmony and discord within yourself. You get to be set free of the darkness and loneliness in your own spirit.
Focus your thoughts on who you are to God.
When you feel disquieted in your spirit about how you are viewed by your partner, remind yourself of who you are in Christ, especially before you go to bed so you don’t go to bed angry.
Don’t forget:
- You are loved and delighted over. – Zephaniah 3:17
- You are worthy to give love. – John 15:9
- You are worthy to receive love. – 1 John 4:19
- You are a God’s masterpiece. – Ephesians 2:10
- You are wonderfully and fearfully made. – Psalm 139:14
- You are God’s child. – Romans 8:16
Stay with the love you have for your partner.
Dwell on the positive qualities of your partner. Give those positive qualities to God repeatedly in prayer. Realize when you are working to forgive your partner and let go of resentment, you are giving God supernatural permission to change your heart with His help. When you are able to stay with the love you have for your partner, you are able to free yourself from the heartache of your partner’s sin. “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” I Peter 4:8
Try to look for ways to understand yourself.
Consider bypassing blame and your desire to understand why your partner chose to hurt you and consider focusing on understanding yourself. By taking responsibility and changing the way you choose to perceive the power your partner has over you, you might unlock more potential peace and contentment within yourself.
Look at taking responsibility for how you each have contributed to the unpleasant experience(s) in your relationship.
When you and your partner each take responsibility, you each in your own way have the chance to remove yourselves or learn from the unpleasant experience(s). If you feel you have nothing to be responsible for, unfortunately, you will wait until your partner changes in order for you to get better. Time will go on, and you will be left feeling the unpleasant experience(s) while peace still awaits for you.
Remember, forgiveness is an action not a feeling. Resentment is the feeling associated with unresolved forgiveness. Set yourself free and don’t waste another day holding onto un-forgiveness or resentment because the person you are hurting the most is yourself. Seek guidance if you need to talk to a pastor or counselor about your un-forgiveness and resentment towards your partner. It will be the best relational decision you will ever make for yourself.
Adapted from Dr. Wayne Dyer blog article: https://www.drwaynedyer.com/blog/how-to-forgive-someone-in-15-steps/
