I had just finished watching a Ted Talk called The Power of Vulnerability and Wholehearted People by Dr. Brene Brown and it struck me how much we have the capacity to love fearlessly. As I finished the Ted Talk, I began pondering what loving fearlessly might look like and tried to envision what these two words could do to make an impact on my heart. How loving fearlessly could dramatically change my life, and especially, with my marriage to Mark.
Mark and I have been married for 18 years and I can tell you I carried a lot of baggage into our relationship. My first few years married to Mark were spend worrying about if he would out live my first husband, David. Then, I spent many years consumed with worry about Mark’s financial contributions and desperate need for financial security. I would beg, plead, demand and withhold my heart away from Mark because of what I wanted.
When I realize how much wasted time and worry I spent for years trying to get my way and realizing none of the time, exhaustion and heartache was going to bring me to peace, contentment and joy, I decided to turn my eyes into a different direction.
Turn To God
I stopped expecting Mark to be my source of financial security, joy, peace and contentment. How? I started with trusting what I couldn’t see. You might think that seems like an odd thing to do. Everything we do is made up of our senses; what I can touch, see, taste, smell, and hear. So, I stopped trusting my senses and kept seeking God with my time and worry. Anytime I got stuck in my thoughts with worry, I decide to seek time with Him by give thanks to God for what I didn’t have or needed.
Spend Time with God
When I did this repeatedly, I started to see my worry dramatically decrease. I stopped relying on what I was experiencing and started believing God had my best interests at heart and knew my struggle. With persistence, I kept spending time with God whether it was having quiet time at home, going for a run, wandering around and getting lost at Fort Benjamin Harrison State Park or a being with ladies at my weekly Bible Study . All of my efforts of seeking God was changing my life to joy, peace, contentment, in ways I never thought possible. No longer was I stressing out my marriage with Mark about him fulfilling my every need and allowing God to truly be my sustainer and provider.
Learning to Love Fearlessly
I’m making room to love fearlessly. In order to love fearlessly, I had to let go of my constant worry, to choose to trust and seek God daily and to choose to pour into others rather than focusing on myself. I had to realize my marriage is built on three people not two. Myself, Mark and, most importantly, God. I want to love others generously without fear. I want to be vulnerable and open to the difference of others. I want to cherish each moment here on Earth with an outpouring love for others while remaining truly humble and kind to myself.
Still Haven’t Arrived…Yet
So, honestly, I don’t believe I’ve arrived yet to loving fearlessly. With hope and perseverance, I’m still trying to figure this idea out. All I know with God’s help, loving fearlessly can be a awesome reality.
