The first step in serious stress management involves getting an accurate diagnosis of the problem. Take the time to thoroughly assess for the sources of your stress. Some things are out of your control, but be honest about what is within your control and focus on those things.
Money Problems:
Review your expenses over the last 3 months, create a tentative budget, live by it for a month and then review and adjust as necessary. Take a financial literacy or personal finance class. Meet with a financial planner to create a plan to pay-off debt, save up an emergency fund, and start saving for big expenses down the road – like college education and retirement.
Challenging Relationships:
If you and your spouse, or your children, have been struggling to resolve conflict and communicate effectively, take some concrete action to improve things. Pick up a self-help book and experiment with the ideas it proposes. Seek out couples counseling or family therapy. If things have become intolerable with a co-worker, maybe it’s time to talk to Human Resources or to start looking for a new job. If a friendship has become problematic, think about having a conversation to clear the air or consider stepping back and letting the relationship breathe for a while.
Not Having Enough Time:
If you constantly feel like there is more to do than time in which to do it, then something about your life is out of balance. Make a list of the top 5 or so values in your life – the things that really matter to you and that you believe make your life valuable and worth living. Then, honestly evaluate the importance, value, and necessity of the things into which you invest your time each week. If you’re pouring a lot of time into things that have nothing to do with your core values, then it’s time to ask yourself why. Consider ways in which you might be able to use money to “buy” yourself more time – like hiring a service to perform your least favorite or most time-consuming tasks. Make sure your recreation is actually enjoyable, refreshing, and energizing. There’s nothing wrong with watching TV or playing video games, but these things can leave you feeling lethargic and they can chew up a lot of time.
Demanding Job:
Do a cost-benefit analysis of your job. Does the prestige, pay, and sense of purpose that you derive from your job outweigh what it costs you – like energy, time, time away from family, strain on your marriage, emotional wellbeing, stress level, etc.? If the answer is “no,” then it’s time to explore your options – whether it’s seeking a different position within your organization or a new job altogether.
Untreated Medical & Mental Health Issues:
These issues are a perpetual drain on your mental and emotional resources. If you have a medical or mental health issue that has been slowly growing in the background, it’s time to find a provider, get a clear diagnosis, and learn about your treatment options. Poor health can sneak up on a person, like the frog in the stockpot – the heat rises so slowly you don’t notice how hot it’s getting and before you know it, you’re boiling! Untreated health issues, whether it’s medical (like obesity or acid reflux disease) or mental (like severe anxiety or depression), can steal your joy, energy, stamina, sense of wellbeing and quality of life.
If you know you need to take some of these actions, but are having trouble making the first step, consider seeking out a mental health professional. Therapy can help you process through the nuances and complications involved in stress management, as well as explore the pros and cons of various options. Therapy can also be especially beneficial in coping with sources of stress that are largely or entirely outside of your control, like chronic illness or a family-member’s substance abuse problem.
