Forgiving means I’m okay with what happened.
On the contrary, forgiveness has nothing to do with this. A person doesn’t choose to forgive because they somehow figured out a way to stop caring about what happened, but because they don’t want to carry the weight of their own anger, resentment, and bitterness anymore. Sometimes forgiveness isn’t something we offer to the other, but something we do for ourselves.
Forgiving means I’m obligated to trust that person again.
Choosing to forgive and choosing to trust again are two separate choices. Often, choosing to forgive is a step toward restoring the relationship. But, sometimes the offenses committed are so grievous, that a person will choose to end their relationship with the offender.
Forgiving means I’ll never again feel angry about what happened.
Forgiveness is rarely a “once and done” decision, but a process enacted over time – where the offended chooses each day to forgive the offender anew.
I can’t forgive until they’ve asked me to.
Forgiving doesn’t require anything from the offender. Whether they acknowledge what they’ve done or not, they’ve asked for your forgiveness or not, they’ve been punished or not, you are free to forgive – or not – it’s up to you.
Not forgiving is the only way I can “punish” them.
Withholding forgiveness rarely has a significant impact on the offender, but nearly always results in further injury for the offended. It’s like a quote I recently read, “Refusing to forgive someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
