Marriage is one of the most beautiful connections and bonds you can ever see. When you see a couple that has enjoyed a lifetime of joyfulness, you tend to know right away that they have something special.
There are many factors that go into having fulfilling and satisfying relationships, but marriage is different. Marriage requires a lot, but all can come down to one thing: Choice.
We make many choices every day: wake up, take a shower, brush our teeth, go to work, obey traffic laws (or not), kiss our spouse, eat lunch, etc. All of our days are filled with choices. When it comes to our spouse, there are three questions that we need to be asking:
- Is my partner accessible?
- Is my partner responsive?
- Are we emotionally engaged?
“A.R.E.” you there? Connected? Bonded? Emotionally attuned? Answering these questions honestly and sharing with your partner can lead you both to greater understanding and a closer connection and attachment. These three factors play a major role in overall closeness, friendship and intimacy. What do these factors look like? Below are some practical questions to ask yourself:
Accessible
- Is it easy to connect with my partner emotionally?
- Can I share my deepest feelings or fears with my partner?
- Does my partner show me that I come first in this relationship?
Responsive
- Is my partner there when I need comfort or connection?
- Do I still feel important and connected, even when we disagree?
- Do I receive reassurance, from my partner, of my importance when I need it?
Emotionally Engaged
- Do I confide in my partner in almost anything/everything?
- Does my partner care about my hopes, dreams, stresses and worries?
- Do I feel safe to take emotional risks with my partner?
If you answered “yes” to most of these questions, continue to strengthen and deepen your connections by exploring these questions with each other and expand by digging deeper into your hearts, hopes, dreams, aspirations, stresses, worries, fears, etc. If you found it difficult to answer these questions or found yourself saying “no” to some/many – know that there are so many opportunities to learn, reconnect, grow closer and pursue the relationship that you both deserve.
