“Re-igniting the Spark” — Part 3

Posted on November 14, 2014

In this article, I will continue where I left off and discuss a few more ways to help couples rekindle the spark of their relationship.  This by no means is a complete list of suggestions, only a starting point to help get things moving in the right direction.

4.  Please, Thank you, and Sorry

These are three words that communicate love, respect, and admiration, to your partner.   Express them daily!  The more these words are used in a relationship, the closer a couple becomes.  These words also help guard against partners feeling unappreciated, disrespected, and taken for granted.  By specifically looking for ways to use these words with your partner on a daily basis, you begin to notice all the “extras” that make the relationship more pleasurable.  You also tend to look at personal weaknesses and take responsibility for them, instead of ignoring them, or blaming someone or something else. 

5.  Show with Actions!

While saying, “I love you” is a great foundation; it simply is just not enough.  You must be willing to follow up that statement, with action, or after a while, those words will become hollow.  So, what do I mean by “action”.  I mean any act that shows you love your partner, beyond just saying “I love you.”  This could be a simple love note left, for your partner, a special gift, or a romantic dinner, or coming home to find that your partner has already done the laundry, which you have been dreading doing all day.  Get the idea? Once again, these actions are little things, but mean the world to your partner.   

A great source that addresses this counsel, in detail, is “The 5 Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman.  By reading this book couples learn how to communicate love, towards their partner, in the way in which their partner most naturally processes that love.  This should be required reading, for all couples. 

6.  Be Interested

Take the time to show that you care about your partner and what they think is important, even if you don’t agree.  This means actively listening to your partner talk about their day, their hobby, what has them troubled and stressed, or anything else they want to talk, with you, about.  Ask them questions about the topic and if you don’t understand, ask them to explain it to you in a way you can understand.  During this time, turn off the TV, put down the smart phone, tablet, laptop, or whatever else has your attention and give that attention fully to your partner.  This will convey love and respect and will show your partner that they are worth your time and attention.  These conversations will promote intimacy and emotional bonding and will lead to greater relationship fulfillment. Conversely, couples usually stop talking to one another when they feel devalued, dismissed, or ignored, by their partner.  Guard against this, in your relationship, by always making the time to listen to what your partner has to say.       

Once again, this is certainly not a complete list, but only few positive actions in order to help rekindle the spark, in a relationship.  For those of you, mostly men, who were hoping for more information on how to rekindle sexual intimacy, in your relationship, do not fret.  Truly give these six suggestions a serious try.  If you do, I will bet the sexual intimacy that you are looking for will return, to the relationship.  For most women, feeling emotionally connected to their partner is a conduit to feeling physically intimate.    

Written by:  James Vastag MA. LMFTA

James Vastag is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Associate with Groff & Associates Professional Counseling.  His passion is to help couples and families navigate life’s rough waters by helping them learn how to meet their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs in a positive and healthy manner.  James may be contacted at:  james@groffandassociates.com, orwww.jamesvastag.com or (317) 474-6448 Ext. 107.

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,


Contact Us | About | Privacy | Sitemap | Terms of Use
Copyright © 2012 Groff & Associates.
All Rights Reserved. Indianapolis Counseling

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