“Re-igniting the Spark” — Part 2

Posted on November 14, 2014

In part 1 of this article, I described what relationships tend to look like when they have lost the “spark”, – meaning the connection, or bonding, intimacy, togetherness, fun, etc. that healthy relationships enjoy.   If your relationship has lost this “spark”, you are not alone.  The great news is you can get it back!!!   Here are three ways to help rekindle your relationship:

1.  Communicate

Many couples have a rough time really communicating with one another.  That lack of communication starts to break down emotional connection and hinders the relationship, leaving two people who seldom talk to one another, beyond the central day to day activities, of running a household.  In order to re-claim your relationship, you must push through the awkwardness and the negative self-talk and initiate a real conversation.  This starts by using active listening techniques and a soft tone. Use “I” statements and explain to your partner that you have been feeling that the relationship has become distant and that you would like to work with them on getting the relationship back on tract.  If presented in this manner, most partners will be willing to continue the conversation and work on ways to improve the relationship.  The first conversation is usually the most difficult, but once received in a positive way, they usually get easier.  

2.  Make Your Relationship a Priority

As adults, especially as parents, time is a very limited commodity.  What happens all too often is that our partner ends up getting only the “left-over crumbs” of time each day.  Overtime, this causes a marked disconnect between partners and allows hurt feelings to develop, into resentment, further distancing the couple.  In order for connected couples to stay connected, they must make their relationship a priority.   Instead of the “crumbs”, schedule time with your partner FIRST!  Yes, if needed, this literally means scheduling time in your calendar for you and your partner.  The beauty is it does not matter what you do, as long as you are doing it together.  This could be a date night, a drive in the country, a walk, a get-a-way weekend, without the kids, a quiet night at home, a board game, working on household chores and/or projects together, it does not matter!!!!   The important thing is that you are spending positive, quality time together.  That investment into your relationship is absolutely priceless!

3.  Have Fun Together

Having fun as a couple is usually one of the first things to go when a relationship is suffering.  The hurt feelings and resentment hamper the “feel good receptors” and tend to have us look at our partner through a negative lens.  By learning how to let go of that negativity and instead focus on having fun, you begin to see the relationship and your partner through a clearer lens.  Having fun as an adult is sometimes hard to do.  A lot  of us have been conditioned to believe that, as an adult, we should be serious and act our age.   While this may be true in some aspects of adult life, like an important business meeting, the fact is that having fun together has a vast health benefit, as well as leads to strong emotional bonding.  Countless studies have all confirmed that couples who regularly laugh together report much higher relationship satisfaction and a feeling of closeness, with their partner, than those who do not. What does having fun together look like?  Well, it depends on the couple.  Any positive activity that brings joy to the couple counts.  This means; watching a comedy together, going to a sporting event together, telling corny jokes to one another, being silly with one another, whatever that looks like, for your relationship.                    

This is just the tip of the iceberg of ways to help re-kindle the spark in your relationship.  I will discuss some more suggestions in my next article.       


Written by:  James Vastag MA. LMFTA

James Vastag is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Associate with Groff & Associates Professional Counseling.  His passion is to help couples and families navigate life’s rough waters by helping them learn how to meet their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs in a positive and healthy manner.  James may be contacted at:  james@groffandassociates.com, orwww.jamesvastag.com or (317) 474-6448 Ext. 107.

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NzE6Imh0dHA6Ly9ncm9mZmFuZGFzc29jaWF0ZXMuY29tL3dwLWNvbnRlbnQvd29vX3VwbG9hZHMvMy1ncm9mZl9oZWFkZXIucG5nIjt9PC9saT48L3VsPg==