“Re-igniting the Spark” — Part 1

Posted on February 27, 2014

Has your marriage lost the passion, excitement, and spontaneity that it once had?   Has the constant running around of every day family life, sapped most, if not all, of your “couple time” as well as energy?   Do you see each other as “mom and dad”, instead of “wife and husband”?  Are you desperately craving the favor that your spouse once gave you?   If you have answered yes to these questions, then a “Re-igniting of the Spark”, is just the remedy your marriage needs.

First, it is important to remember what your relationship was like when the two of you were dating.  What did you do differently?  How did you interact with one another?  What did you do for fun?  As you think about these qualities of your relationship, remember how you both felt with one another.  The youth of the relationship, and wanting to dazzle each other, probably made each of you wish to put your “best foot forward.”   You probably gave each other almost complete attention, and in turn, became emotionally connected.  That emotional connectedness, as well as chemistry, ignited the spark of passion. 

So what changed?  Well, to put it simply, after a while, most of us stopped trying to dazzle our spouse.  We started feeling too comfortable in the relationship, and started taking each other for granted.   Other aspects of life started to take center stage: work, children, social media, tv, etc.  Our spouse slowly got pushed further and further from being our priority.

The emotional connection that was once the support of our devotion has been destroyed.  The feelings of “oneness” or “togetherness” slowly are replaced with feelings of hurt, anger and resentment.  This becomes a vicious cycle, where the more hurt and angry one feels, the more they pull away, further eroding the emotional connection, thus creating even deeper feelings of hurt, anger, and resentment.

Does this sound like your relationship?  If so, you certainly are not exclusive.  Now that you have a better understanding of what might have happened in your relationship to extinguish the spark, the next part of this series will focus on ways to help “re-ignite the spark” and re-build the emotional connection. 

 Written by: James Vastag MA. LMFTA

James Vastag is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Associate with Groff & Associates Professional Counseling.  His passion is to help couples and families navigate life’s rough waters by helping them learn how to meet their emotional, physical, and spiritual needs in a positive and healthy manner.  James may be contacted at:  james@groffandassociates.com, or www.jamesvastag.com or (317) 474-6448 Ext. 107.

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NzE6Imh0dHA6Ly9ncm9mZmFuZGFzc29jaWF0ZXMuY29tL3dwLWNvbnRlbnQvd29vX3VwbG9hZHMvMy1ncm9mZl9oZWFkZXIucG5nIjt9PC9saT48L3VsPg==