Having “The Talk”, Part 2: Three Steps To Creating a Healthy Conversation about Sex

Posted on August 15, 2013

As previously explained in, ‘Having “The Talk”, Part 1’; having a talk with your child can be awkward. The goal of this article is to explore some suggestions about creating a healthy ongoing conversation with your child about sex. Again, you’re child will someday be an adult and how they learn about sex will greatly impact how they develop sexually.

 Step 1: Create openness with your child

Showing genuine interest in a conversation helps elicit information from someone else. Openness with your child can help them feel they are important.  If someone feels they are important, they will continue to confide in you (this is the goal of parental influence).

Some ways to help your child feel openness in the conversation:

  • Stop what you are doing and turn towards your child.
  • Maintain good eye contact.
  • Embrace silence with your child.
  • Sit down with them, as much as necessary, until your child engages in the conversation.

Step 2: Stay engaged with the conversation

In any uncomfortable situation, it is easy for someone to disengage mentally, emotionally, or physically. When your child begins asking questions or talking about stories of a friend’s or your child’s own sexual experience, it could be easy to disengage in the conversation.

Some ways to show your child that you are engaged in the conversation:

  • Continue the suggestions in Step 1.
  • Ask your child questions about what they think or how they feel about sexuality.
  • In an age appropriate way, share some feelings that you had when you were their age.

When we disengage from the conversation, the other person may feel they are not important to us. Subconsciously, we silence others, which breeds more shame.

Step 3: Dispel any shame about sex

In dispelling shame, we should:

  • Talk about the shame for subject.
  • Normalize sex; offer a perspective that sex is a normal part of life.
  • Help your child separate sense of value from his/her actions.

Often in efforts to teach sexuality, it is easy to create shame when we talk about sex as bad. This can cause the child to feel that they are bad if they someday have sex. If they feel shameful about their sexuality, then they will not talk about their actions.

As parents, we know that sex requires responsibility. To engage in conversation about sexuality, with your child, is not an exact science but it is important to converse to help them navigate sexuality and sexual behavior.

Written by: Chris Denzler, MA

Chris graduated from Liberty University, in Lynchburg, VA with a degree in Licensed Professional Counseling. He also has 6 years experience in youth ministry working with children and teens. His passion is for helping children and adolescents develop into healthy adults. He offers professional counseling services to children, teens, adults, and married couples. Contact Chris Denzler for more help in these areas.

Tags: , , , , , ,


Contact Us | About | Privacy | Sitemap | Terms of Use
Copyright © 2012 Groff & Associates.
All Rights Reserved. Indianapolis Counseling

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